On Being Vulnerable

Hi my name is Victoria, and ill be speaking to you about vulnerability. Ill begin with a story and use it as an analogy to guide you through exactly what vulnerability looks like, how it feels, how we can do it, how others need us to be vulnerable and why its so important.

You may find yourself resonating with something you hear, or it may remind you of someone else, or an event from your past. Use this to tap into what you need to hear.

Story

Ill begin with a story. You’re a child about 6 years old, your parents recently moved into a new house and its your first night sleeping there. At 8pm mum comes and tucks you in, reads you a story, kisses you on the forehead and says goodnight. She walks out, turns off the light and closes the door.

The room is dark, and the light from outside makes creepy shadows of tree branches on your wall. Leaves brush against the window frame, scratching and clawing.

You experience, fear, isolation, loneliness, uncertainty, your scared and your vulnerable. As a 6 year old child you begin to cry, it begins with a small whimper, but soon turns to big sobs. Finally you cant stand it anymore, overwhelmed you call out for mum.

Within minutes mum is in your room holding you, and reassuring you that everything is going to be ok.

This is you when your 6

Fast forward 10 years, your 16 and putting in an application for your job. You have the support of your family and friends and you go to the business and hand in your application.

The receptionist asks you to take a seat and the boss will call you in shortly. You look around, its unfamiliar, you are alone, scared, uncertain, and not sure what the boss will ask you. Your vulnerable.

After the interview you ring your best friend immediately and tell them everything. They tell you that your brave and you laugh about some of the answers you gave.

Fast forward another 10 years, your 26 and have just found out you/or your partner are having a baby. You panic, your throat closes us, your heart beats faster and a rush of fear uncertainty excitement and terror fills you. Your vulnerable. You don’t know if you can do this. This is a big deal.

You share an embrace with your partner, accepting that whether you can do it or not you will try it together, share the joy pain and terror.

Today

We can be vulnerable at any age. From the moment we are born till the day we die we experience vulnerability. The way we choose to act on that vulnerability is what describes us.

Push/Pull/Open

Our vulnerability can best be expressed as a door.

When we are vulnerable, do we push the door shut, pushing all of our feelings down, trying desperately to ignore the fear and remain shivering in the dark like that 6 year old.

Do we experience the fear and then project it onto ours, our loves ones, co workers or friends, desperately trying to pull in the resources that we need, manipulating, calculating and seducing others into filling our needs, because we are too scared to admit we are scared.

If we don’t push and we don’t pull, what can we do? What would happen if we experienced our needs, recognized them for what they are,  understood that they were very acceptable and allowed our network of support to support us. Not by manipulating, not by melting down, but just by being open and vulnerable, what would that be like.

What I understand is that my needs today are the same needs I had at 1 month old, 1 year old 10 yrs old and so on, I want to be loved, accepted, nurtured, and encouraged. I want to feel good about myself and like I belong and like if I were not here someone would notice.

As an adult how do we get that childlike innocence? How do we as adults get our needs met? At 1 month old we can cry with no shame and expect our needs to be met. As an adult its not as simple as that.

The tears we need to cry as adults are much more in a social context. We need to begin allowing others to see whats happening inside of us. When we find a small and trusted group of people who care about us, we can open up to the possibility that this network can will and wants to support us. Infact by not being vulnerable and not allowing it to support us we weaken the very network that we crave will support us.

Relationships thrive on mutual support. Man and plant being the perfect example, what we breathe out they breath in and vice versa. Imagine for a moment if we stopped breathing out because we thought that somehow this was something only weak ppl did, or because we were worried about the perception that the trees might have of us. And we continued to expect the trees to provide us oxygen. It just cannot work that way.

True strength of character is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in the right situation with the right person, and that person is often our family, friends, or partner. When we engage in this type of honesty and allow others to hold what we cannot we further strengthen the bonds between us. And we experience a deep sense of compassion, love, forgiveness, and understanding.

Being vulnerable is being human. When we push it down, run away, manipulate we prevent others from loving us and we weaken the bonds.

Often the things we fear in being vulnerable are of little consequence. Maybe I fear that if i don’t do it, what it is, that no one will do it for me, ill be abandoned, alone, crying in the dark like a 6 year old with no mother. Perhaps the truth is, no one offers to help me because I act so capable. Maybe im afraid to let go and have a meltdown because ppl will think im a bit crazy…Maybe the truth is that ppl think im so uptight I must be crazy.

The things we think we hide are often on show for all to see.  Its ok to go through life like an ant who can carry a leaf 50 times its size, but its also ok to go through life like a young bird who finds food where they can but also relies on their whole network to be fed.

Never mistake independence for interdependence.

In conclusion our vulnerability that we first experienced the moment we were born, never leaves us, never goes away, cannot be pushed down or run away from. Our vulnerability is what makes us human and what keeps us connected to each other. In intimate relationships with friends and family it becomes the bond, the glue. Being vulnerable allows us to be accepted and more importantly to accept ourselves.

This assignment is a written critical analysis which explores a specific paper. You will choose the paper from several provided. The paper will be 1500 words in length and will follow the subheadings format provided in the study guide/workbook. The task is to examine an article, showing the argument, discussing the evidence used, incorporating independent research and critiquing the strengths and weaknesses of the approach used. The criteria sheet provided will be used to mark the assignment.<br>
NB: Ensure you have included the required subheadings in your assignment – these are essential to passing this task.<br>

COM15 Developing Research and Analytical Skills – Criteria Sheet

Mark:                       /100

related…

research question: question eg what proportion, how long etc.

hypothesis turns question into a prediction.

binomial / catagorical

one sample t test/ metric.